:-D

Hey!...Everyone that reads my blogs...Not very many people I would imagine. Oh well.

I finally did my DTA paper, presentation, project, and now I have a final tommorow in it. Oh boy! :-p

But I was thinking. I have high expectations for myself, and I think that's good, but sometimes I think they may be a little too high. I want to be ambitious, but not self-loathing. I'm not self-loathing, but I'm not not completely. Get me?

I want to be more relaxed around people. I tend to be intimidated by people who I deem to be cooler than me. Surprisingly, that's a lot of people. It's really frustrating. I tend to get more self-conscious and tense etc.

This break I have to start working out. I'm gonna start stretching everyday....soon. That will help me relax, and help me out in other ways. It's gonna be tough.

I just want to be me, and not what other people want me to be. I'm a lot better now than I was before, but I can always get better. :-D

Side note

So...I feel like I don't have time to do what I feel like I need to do in order to get ready for my future career, and even more importantly, to get ready for my life.

This has been brought about by watching an interview with Val Kilmer. He is hugely underrated in many people's books, including mine. Watch The Doors, and tell me you don't think he did an incredible. Go on. I dare you.

Val is very true to his impulses, and he works hard, and he is incredibly relaxed, and no-one is going to tell him what to do. I find that awesome. He's like Mickey Rourke, but not as popular, and not quite as good an actor, but it's all good.

Anyways, that's all for now.

Peace.

This is rediculous but...

Here we go! I need to pump myself up to work REALLY hard today, and REALLY hard tommorow. This is not what I wanted to do, but it's not a matter of want anymore, it's a matter of have to do it.

Note to self: Stop putting myself in these goddamned situations, then maybe I wouldn't suffer from anxiety every now and again, I won't be nearly as stressed, and I can just get it done and over with.

Fuck...How nice would that be?

Answer...Very very nice.

Eek! A leak!

So...I haven't written in a while. There's a reason. No internet.

Thanksgiving was good, but I didn't get anything done that I needed to get done so I didn't get to relax as much as I would've liked to have.

I have a few papers due next week, but my group leader wants them done by Tuesday at midnight. I haven't started because I am...not smart.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm freaking about them. I want to sleep right now, but I can't yet, but I am getting tired as I type this. Yay! But I wanna finish. I'm freaking about them, because I want to work hard on them, so I will, but it's gonna be a tough couple of days and I'm not looking forward to them. I am going to get up as early as possible and get started. That's all I can do, right? I think I'll skip my DTA class, but there will cupcakes....So nevermind. I'll go, but then I'll get back to work ASAP.

I'm freaking about these papers because I should've done them awhile ago a), b) I want to do well on them so I can go to Stratford, and c)...si.

I had my first rehearsel for Duty to Warn tonight. That was fun. The director and I have the same idea for my character, so I am really excited to go further indepth into it. I just listened to a podcast from an actor and he recommended to keep a production journal. I think that's a really good idea.

I need to write more. I need to write creatively more. I haven't done it in such a long time, and I need to keep doing it. I gotta keep my creative juices pumping.

I'm kinda reading Julia Stiles' blog right now. I was never really a huge fan of hers, but I think it'd be cool to hang out with her.

Well, I think I'm out. I do need to sleep. I do need to work.

Good day

I'm done with classes for a little while.

I'm Hospital Attendant 1 in Duty to Warn.

Good day. :-D

Witty Title

So, I haven't been on here in a few days. I think it's a good sign that I haven't kept the blog up, because I've been living instead of...not.

So..What's happened since Wednesday? Let me see...

Oh! I went to the counselor's. I told her that I was feeling unmotivated, and I wanted to stop. And she basically gave me a bunch of tips that I haven't and hadn't put into effect yet. So, it wasn't a waste of time, but it kinda was. She also said that maybe I can give one of my friends the password to my Facebook so that he or she can change it, and then "give" me back my Facebook when I get all my shit done. I may need to do that...

So nothing exciting happened the rest of the day, except for man night with Daniel and Romeo. I cherish those nights where we stay up late, talking about everything. We didn't stay up as late as we normally do, but it was still a good time. There was a moment when I was talking to Daniel about how I was scared about getting into the real world with my acting because I don't think I'm ready yet, at all. And it scares me. I started getting more emotional than I thought I would about it. Not breaking down, but being charged up.

Friday, I went to class, and I came home. I saw a great movie called Elephant. It was a remarkably simple, deep, relaxed, chilling movie. I recommend it. Then, Crystal invited me to her apartment where she was having a party. I told her thanks but no thanks cuz I wanted to get up early and get stuff done. Then, Libby called me up, and I fell into "peer pressure" and went. I'm glad I did. It was so much fun! I had a lot to drink, we went to the hot tub, and had a good ol' fashioned, stereotypical college fun time.

Next morning, Saturday, I woke up around 10. I usually do. No hang over! Woop woop! I ended up staying at Crystal's apartment and hung out for the entire day. It was the most chill I've been with someone else being there...ever! We saw some great movies: Anchorman, Red Eye, Superstar (I fell asleep during it, I was tired),some Brokeback Mountain, and The Notebook. I finally saw the Notebook, and I must say I was very happy with it.

The Notebook was such a touching story, and the actors and actresses in it did a great great job! It reminded me of love, it spurred the desire to find it again, etc etc. I misted up a few times, and enjoyed it immensely.

So, all this being said, I haven't done what I set out to do this weekend at all, but you know what? I don't care. I have had a great weekend, so I couldn't give two shits less.

Thinking about all this makes me realize how much more of a human being I am. I am so happy with where I'm at right now. I am ambitious to get farther, but this moment I am in right now, is perfect for what I need.

So...today was weird...

Well, Paul...here's a new entry for your brand new homepage! :-)

Today was a very strange day...

I saw Batboy the Musical that my school is putting on, and you know you've had a weird day, when seeing that particular musical isn't the weirdest thing that day.

Anyways, so here's what happened. I learned some lessons today too, so we'll get to those in a second.

Today, I woke up to Marilyn Manson's "This is the New Shit". (That probably explains a lot, but let's continute) I was late to class, and I came in wearing my pj's and my backpacking boots. There was a pop quiz and I got a 50. I knew two of the questions because the first one was what was my name, and who wrote the Republic. (Plato. We're reading it for class. Well, I haven't yet..)

So then I went home and did nothing 'cept eat and get on the internet for a long time. I was looking at the replies on my Facebook when I noticed someone "liked" my blog from last night. Interesting..So I looked further, and this person totally misinterpreted what I said in my blog. So, I texted some of my friends, (not to embarass the person, but to get advice) and so they told me their different P.O.V's.

Then, I got on AIM, and told one of my friends about a girl I liked and how it got misconstrued by someone else. Then the someone else got on AIM, and I had to tell them that it wasn't about them, and they signed off, probably not too terribly happy..Also, one of my other friends has a really rediculous rumor about her and her new boyfriend, and it's bullshit. People just don't want to grow up it seems like.

So, then I talked with a friend who is connected to girl I like, and I found out some bad news about that friend. This made me really upset. I also found out that girl I like is really interested in another guy, which is fine. It's really whatever. I'm upset, but I'm not really upset, just cuz things didn't go far at all. I mean all we've done is talk in the past and chat on Facebook.

So, then I saw Batboy, and that was a really great show! I have some nitpicks, but that's cuz that's what I do. :-) I must say that Braden Bradley did a FANTASTIC job as Batboy.

So after Batboy was over, I walked home, because I always feel really awkward after shows, whether I'm in the show, or after a show I watched. I'll figure out why eventually.

So, I walked home, and one of my best friends told me that he really respected me for Blogging, and I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but what he said around that made me feel really good. So, I'm gonna try this up a lot more. :-D

Now...lessons I learned today, or things I've noticed.

I love to watch musicals for the most part now. When I watch them, I see them as something I want to be in. It takes a lot of work, concentration, talent, personality, energy, and it would force me to get even more out of my comfort zone. I watch some of the performers, and some of them are naturally talented, but others work really hard and make it look easy. That's what I admire about it I guess. The people that work hard. I want to do that.

My next point is that because I want to get in a musical, that means I have to get in better shape, I have to work hard, and I have take control of what I can. I keep saying that..

I think I'm going to call the Counseling Center tommorow and make an appointment. There isn't anything pressing right now, but I want to talk with a counselour about my laziness. I am tired of being that way, and I want to take the steps necessary to get out of that. I do a lot, but that doesn't mean I work hard. It's complicated.

My mom told me something this weekend, that has really helped me put things in perspective, and it's really corny, and it's slightly embarassing, and of course my mom would say it.

She told me that I am a great and really cool person, and that I just haven't gotten my time yet to show everyone what I'm capable of(or something along those lines). Now, that's really cheesy, sappy, and mom's make their little boys feel better with it, but that really, REALLY made me feel better. It made me really confident in myself, and it made me really believe in myself. It also made me more humble in a strange way also.

I was also thinking of Brad Pitt when I was walking home. I know he's not known as a great actor, but I think he's really good. I am inspired by him because he could've just been a heartthrob sell out, but he worked really hard, went to a bunch of acting classes, and learned all kinds of acting techniques, and now he's doing some really good work. That's how I'd like to be. Not famous necessairily, but putting really good work out there.

!>.