New Semester. Last one. Weird.

I am a senior in college. I am graduating in August. I am walking across a stage in a gown, with a square cap. Where the hell did time go?

I used to imagine college as this amazing place, this place where I'd work hard, play hard, make friends, party it up, learn everything is to know about myself and be completely ok with it.

Needless to say, I've been a little disappointed with college. Granted, it had an impossible hurdle, but my overall college experience has been fair. I've learned to have an opinion, I've learned to embrace me, (even though I'm still a lazy perfectionist when it comes right down to it) I've learned to be way more confident in myself, and I've learned that the truth doesn't have to hurt.

I'm way different than I was in high school. I'll admit. I have desires, and I'm pursuing them in my own way. I have obstacles, and while I'm not good about hitting them head on, I'm still finding ways around them. I've actually accepted that I'm a very fortunate person. I don't feel sorry for myself all that often anymore.

I do continue to compare myself to other people, I want more than anything to make people like me, I don't wanna be a bad person in real life or for anyone to think that about me, I'm having a hard time admitting I'm just a human and I can screw up. I hold high standards for myself, and sometimes I fall, and hard, but isn't that ok? I don't want to be a mediocre actor, mediocre friend, mediocre person, I want to be the best me possible. It's funny, when I say this I get terrified. I get terrified of success, of failure, of complacency. Where does that leave me? I don't know. Whereever I am now.

Maybe I should talk to a counselour instead of writing on a blog.

Oh well. If you're reading, thanks. If you're not, I don't blame you. This is very self-indulgent, so thanks for putting up with it.