I read, I watch, I want

I watched a few things recently.

I just watched my friend Lacy's wedding video, and it was beautiful. I was getting very emotional watching it, because she looked so absolutely happy. All of her family, her new husband, everyone was celebrating their new life together. I'm not even best friends with her or anything! I know when Tom or Paul or even I get married, I will be crying like a little bitch. Hahah. It's gonna be awesome.

I also saw people talking at Lanford Wilson's memorial service. They had so many great stories, and I got a sense of how connected everyone felt around him.

All of these things are life. They are so full of life, that it seems unreal. How sad is that, that something that incredible, so full of happiness, joy, and love doesn't seem like life? I'm reminded of Stab City by As Tall As Lions. "Even when you find the love, it's fake. And everything I touch, I break." <- That's the pessimistic way of looking at it.

I am desirous to have relationships as connected as those I mentioned are. I understand, every day can't be huge, great, momentous, but why can't we try? I'm nihilistic/romantic/sentimental/realistic. I'm weird. But on top of all of it, I'm a humanist. I love people. I want to be there for and with people. I want to drop the charade of thinking I'm better than people, or at least acting like I am. I'm not plain and simple. People are people, and we're all different.

Life is good with bad things happening sometimes, not the other way around.