My brain is on a rollercoaster

Or at least it feels like it is.

I just had coffee with my friend who now lives in New York going to a conservatory up there. She went from high school to the certain place, and when we were talking, she sounded the way that I want to be. She thinks like an actor, and has gotten a toolbox of techniques, and can go confidently out into the real world, and may get professional work.

I am scared of going out into the real world right now, because I don't feel prepared at all. Most of that is my fault, but I don't feel like I'm getting what I need from my school. I want to get a degree, and have been advised to not get a theatre degree. There is a study abroad program that I want to do where we would go to Stratford, and study Shakespeare with the actual Royal Shakespeare Company. Shakespeare is important to me, but I know there is not high demand out there.

There is part of me that wants to drop out of my college, and go to the conservatory, and come back to finish up my degree, or finish my degree and go to the conservatory and undo all the bad training I may have gotten now.

I don't really know. I feel like if I stay at the school I'm at, I'm just learning one technique, one way of doing things. I want the toolbox of techniques, I want to feel prepared and confident enough to tackle any material I am given.

Gah!