Or at least it feels like it is.
I just had coffee with my friend who now lives in New York going to a conservatory up there. She went from high school to the certain place, and when we were talking, she sounded the way that I want to be. She thinks like an actor, and has gotten a toolbox of techniques, and can go confidently out into the real world, and may get professional work.
I am scared of going out into the real world right now, because I don't feel prepared at all. Most of that is my fault, but I don't feel like I'm getting what I need from my school. I want to get a degree, and have been advised to not get a theatre degree. There is a study abroad program that I want to do where we would go to Stratford, and study Shakespeare with the actual Royal Shakespeare Company. Shakespeare is important to me, but I know there is not high demand out there.
There is part of me that wants to drop out of my college, and go to the conservatory, and come back to finish up my degree, or finish my degree and go to the conservatory and undo all the bad training I may have gotten now.
I don't really know. I feel like if I stay at the school I'm at, I'm just learning one technique, one way of doing things. I want the toolbox of techniques, I want to feel prepared and confident enough to tackle any material I am given.
Gah!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
A little annoyed
So, I've been talking with someone I knew in high school. I'm trying to reconnect with them, trying to be polite, ask them what they are up to, ask them how've they been etc, and I'm not getting alot from them.
Now, I'm not calling that particular person a jerk, cuz they aren't. They really aren't. All I'm asking is for real-ness.
I think that's it really...Just had to get this out.
Tim
Now, I'm not calling that particular person a jerk, cuz they aren't. They really aren't. All I'm asking is for real-ness.
I think that's it really...Just had to get this out.
Tim
So lemme get this straight, you put the lime in the coconut
I am so happy right now. Cept, I should be sleeping...oh well.
This is gonna be a great break, and simply because I have a bunch of reading I will get to do, and have some good movies to watch. I am SUPER excited! :-D
I am going to start reading "All the Pretty Horses" by Cormac McCarthy. I've heard alot of great things about him and his books, and one opinion that is open to interpretation so...
I can't sleep right now, but I'm gonna try again. :-)
This is gonna be a great break, and simply because I have a bunch of reading I will get to do, and have some good movies to watch. I am SUPER excited! :-D
I am going to start reading "All the Pretty Horses" by Cormac McCarthy. I've heard alot of great things about him and his books, and one opinion that is open to interpretation so...
I can't sleep right now, but I'm gonna try again. :-)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Nostalgia
So...I can't find a philosophy book that I need to study for my quiz, but whatever.
I'm watching my old high school UIL play. It's not as great as I thought before, but damn that was a tough play for us high schoolers. I mean it has some good moments, but we were in high school. heh.
I just realized watching that I wasn't relaxed. I wasn't comfortable with who I am/was. There were some people that were alot more relaxed, comfortable back then. There's part of me that's beating my old self up because I didn't feel like I belonged, when all I had to do was relax a little bit. But then there's the bigger part of me that is glad that I've learned more about me, and how to be me instead of what other people want me to be. I still struggle, but I'm human.
Watching the play, I can feel nostalgia. It's a good feeling. I do wish I was closer to those people, because they are all pretty cool, and not in the way it's used now. We were all different, and we were quite the motley crew. There was drama on and offstage, I was in a relationship, I didn't understand the play or how to do it, and I didn't have a social life.
This is all part of growing up. I may never see some of them again, I may work with them again, or I may see some of them for the rest of my life. Who knows?
I'm watching my old high school UIL play. It's not as great as I thought before, but damn that was a tough play for us high schoolers. I mean it has some good moments, but we were in high school. heh.
I just realized watching that I wasn't relaxed. I wasn't comfortable with who I am/was. There were some people that were alot more relaxed, comfortable back then. There's part of me that's beating my old self up because I didn't feel like I belonged, when all I had to do was relax a little bit. But then there's the bigger part of me that is glad that I've learned more about me, and how to be me instead of what other people want me to be. I still struggle, but I'm human.
Watching the play, I can feel nostalgia. It's a good feeling. I do wish I was closer to those people, because they are all pretty cool, and not in the way it's used now. We were all different, and we were quite the motley crew. There was drama on and offstage, I was in a relationship, I didn't understand the play or how to do it, and I didn't have a social life.
This is all part of growing up. I may never see some of them again, I may work with them again, or I may see some of them for the rest of my life. Who knows?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Good day, coulda been better...
So today I woke up and played ultimate frisbee, which was sweet.
Then, I hung out with my former Facebook fiancee Daniel, and we cleaned my apartment, which was good cuz it was nasty. (Thanks again buddy)
Then, I went to a party. The person that I wanted to be there, wasn't there. It's all good. :-)
So, I saw a girl that looked like Anne Hathaway the actress, but prettier in my opinion. I wanted to tell her that, but I kept getting too freaked out. Why? I'm bad about talking to people I have no previous kind of connection with for some reason. So, finally, after a lot of my friends telling me to go do it, I told her, and then we talked for a little bit. It was small talk, and I was/am not a big fan of the/our small talk.
So, after I talked to her the first time, I was talking with more people I knew, and then I came back and awkwardly tried to start talking to her again. I went a little overboard with my hyperness, and I think she misinterpreted it as I was drunk. I wasn't. I was just trying to make her laugh, which didn't work very well cuz I think she went into polite laugh mode.
I wanted to really talk to her, but I kept pussing out. Then she left. The only thing I got out of that was her first name. Natalie.
So, I hung around for a little while longer, and then I left. When I was leaving, I saw a girl I met at ultimate. Whilest we were talking, some cops came up and asked us if we were the owners of the apartment, and that they needed to talk to them. So, they did, and I left. Friggin' cops. We're college kids! It's almost Christmas! Leave us the hell alone!
So, I need to grow some balls by the time I go to another party, so's I can go up to pretty girls easier and more confidently.
I'll learn. It's a process.
Then, I hung out with my former Facebook fiancee Daniel, and we cleaned my apartment, which was good cuz it was nasty. (Thanks again buddy)
Then, I went to a party. The person that I wanted to be there, wasn't there. It's all good. :-)
So, I saw a girl that looked like Anne Hathaway the actress, but prettier in my opinion. I wanted to tell her that, but I kept getting too freaked out. Why? I'm bad about talking to people I have no previous kind of connection with for some reason. So, finally, after a lot of my friends telling me to go do it, I told her, and then we talked for a little bit. It was small talk, and I was/am not a big fan of the/our small talk.
So, after I talked to her the first time, I was talking with more people I knew, and then I came back and awkwardly tried to start talking to her again. I went a little overboard with my hyperness, and I think she misinterpreted it as I was drunk. I wasn't. I was just trying to make her laugh, which didn't work very well cuz I think she went into polite laugh mode.
I wanted to really talk to her, but I kept pussing out. Then she left. The only thing I got out of that was her first name. Natalie.
So, I hung around for a little while longer, and then I left. When I was leaving, I saw a girl I met at ultimate. Whilest we were talking, some cops came up and asked us if we were the owners of the apartment, and that they needed to talk to them. So, they did, and I left. Friggin' cops. We're college kids! It's almost Christmas! Leave us the hell alone!
So, I need to grow some balls by the time I go to another party, so's I can go up to pretty girls easier and more confidently.
I'll learn. It's a process.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Damn it!!
So, I added a friend on Facebook that's stirring up a lot things that I've thought about recently, but I'm gonna spill on here, because it should be interesting.
The friend I added is an actor for a company in Minnesota called Epiphany Studios. It's a Catholic theatre company. I bet if I went up there, I could help him out a lot. However, I'm not Catholic anymore, but I was thinking about why I'm not.
So let's see. I'm gonna try to be as specific as possible, so that I can say what I believe and not what all the other non-Christians say.
1) I don't believe in there being one right answer for everything. I live how I think I ought to, but that can be completely different from everyone else and that's ok.
1a) I can still be Catholic, but I won't be strictly Catholic with all of these things.
2) I have thought a lot about this, but I don't know if I believe in a god or God or not. I don't know if I really do believe there is something bigger because I want something to be bigger, or because there really is. I don't if I want to think there is a meaning to everything, or that there really is.
2a) Kinda have to believe in "God" to be Catholic.
3) I don't believe that lust is all bad. If it ultimately consumes you and you can't control yourself, it's not good, but a little lust can go a long way. I also have participated in premarital sex, and I don't have a huge problem with it. People just have to be smart, and sex can't become everything. And homosexuality is not a choice in my mind, and persecuting someone for anything is wrong.
3a) These are more contemporary issues in the church. One of my friends put it beautifully and she said that sex nowadays isn't for survival as much these days. It can be for fun because our survival as a species doesn't rely on everyone to have a baby after sex.
4)Drugs and alcohol. Aight. I'm gonna stop myself from saying all I've done, but I don't think people should completely not do them. Yes, they aren't the best things for you, and yes, you can do some things you normally wouldn't do, however that's more the person. Feel me? People just need to be smart.
So there are some things that I agree with with Catholicism, and there are some things that I don't agree with.
If I were to help out with this Epiphany Studios thing, I could do it, but it doesn't mean I'd have to agree with it.
!>.
Tim
The friend I added is an actor for a company in Minnesota called Epiphany Studios. It's a Catholic theatre company. I bet if I went up there, I could help him out a lot. However, I'm not Catholic anymore, but I was thinking about why I'm not.
So let's see. I'm gonna try to be as specific as possible, so that I can say what I believe and not what all the other non-Christians say.
1) I don't believe in there being one right answer for everything. I live how I think I ought to, but that can be completely different from everyone else and that's ok.
1a) I can still be Catholic, but I won't be strictly Catholic with all of these things.
2) I have thought a lot about this, but I don't know if I believe in a god or God or not. I don't know if I really do believe there is something bigger because I want something to be bigger, or because there really is. I don't if I want to think there is a meaning to everything, or that there really is.
2a) Kinda have to believe in "God" to be Catholic.
3) I don't believe that lust is all bad. If it ultimately consumes you and you can't control yourself, it's not good, but a little lust can go a long way. I also have participated in premarital sex, and I don't have a huge problem with it. People just have to be smart, and sex can't become everything. And homosexuality is not a choice in my mind, and persecuting someone for anything is wrong.
3a) These are more contemporary issues in the church. One of my friends put it beautifully and she said that sex nowadays isn't for survival as much these days. It can be for fun because our survival as a species doesn't rely on everyone to have a baby after sex.
4)Drugs and alcohol. Aight. I'm gonna stop myself from saying all I've done, but I don't think people should completely not do them. Yes, they aren't the best things for you, and yes, you can do some things you normally wouldn't do, however that's more the person. Feel me? People just need to be smart.
So there are some things that I agree with with Catholicism, and there are some things that I don't agree with.
If I were to help out with this Epiphany Studios thing, I could do it, but it doesn't mean I'd have to agree with it.
!>.
Tim
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
:-D
Hey!...Everyone that reads my blogs...Not very many people I would imagine. Oh well.
I finally did my DTA paper, presentation, project, and now I have a final tommorow in it. Oh boy! :-p
But I was thinking. I have high expectations for myself, and I think that's good, but sometimes I think they may be a little too high. I want to be ambitious, but not self-loathing. I'm not self-loathing, but I'm not not completely. Get me?
I want to be more relaxed around people. I tend to be intimidated by people who I deem to be cooler than me. Surprisingly, that's a lot of people. It's really frustrating. I tend to get more self-conscious and tense etc.
This break I have to start working out. I'm gonna start stretching everyday....soon. That will help me relax, and help me out in other ways. It's gonna be tough.
I just want to be me, and not what other people want me to be. I'm a lot better now than I was before, but I can always get better. :-D
I finally did my DTA paper, presentation, project, and now I have a final tommorow in it. Oh boy! :-p
But I was thinking. I have high expectations for myself, and I think that's good, but sometimes I think they may be a little too high. I want to be ambitious, but not self-loathing. I'm not self-loathing, but I'm not not completely. Get me?
I want to be more relaxed around people. I tend to be intimidated by people who I deem to be cooler than me. Surprisingly, that's a lot of people. It's really frustrating. I tend to get more self-conscious and tense etc.
This break I have to start working out. I'm gonna start stretching everyday....soon. That will help me relax, and help me out in other ways. It's gonna be tough.
I just want to be me, and not what other people want me to be. I'm a lot better now than I was before, but I can always get better. :-D
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Side note
So...I feel like I don't have time to do what I feel like I need to do in order to get ready for my future career, and even more importantly, to get ready for my life.
This has been brought about by watching an interview with Val Kilmer. He is hugely underrated in many people's books, including mine. Watch The Doors, and tell me you don't think he did an incredible. Go on. I dare you.
Val is very true to his impulses, and he works hard, and he is incredibly relaxed, and no-one is going to tell him what to do. I find that awesome. He's like Mickey Rourke, but not as popular, and not quite as good an actor, but it's all good.
Anyways, that's all for now.
Peace.
This has been brought about by watching an interview with Val Kilmer. He is hugely underrated in many people's books, including mine. Watch The Doors, and tell me you don't think he did an incredible. Go on. I dare you.
Val is very true to his impulses, and he works hard, and he is incredibly relaxed, and no-one is going to tell him what to do. I find that awesome. He's like Mickey Rourke, but not as popular, and not quite as good an actor, but it's all good.
Anyways, that's all for now.
Peace.
Monday, November 30, 2009
This is rediculous but...
Here we go! I need to pump myself up to work REALLY hard today, and REALLY hard tommorow. This is not what I wanted to do, but it's not a matter of want anymore, it's a matter of have to do it.
Note to self: Stop putting myself in these goddamned situations, then maybe I wouldn't suffer from anxiety every now and again, I won't be nearly as stressed, and I can just get it done and over with.
Fuck...How nice would that be?
Answer...Very very nice.
Note to self: Stop putting myself in these goddamned situations, then maybe I wouldn't suffer from anxiety every now and again, I won't be nearly as stressed, and I can just get it done and over with.
Fuck...How nice would that be?
Answer...Very very nice.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Eek! A leak!
So...I haven't written in a while. There's a reason. No internet.
Thanksgiving was good, but I didn't get anything done that I needed to get done so I didn't get to relax as much as I would've liked to have.
I have a few papers due next week, but my group leader wants them done by Tuesday at midnight. I haven't started because I am...not smart.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm freaking about them. I want to sleep right now, but I can't yet, but I am getting tired as I type this. Yay! But I wanna finish. I'm freaking about them, because I want to work hard on them, so I will, but it's gonna be a tough couple of days and I'm not looking forward to them. I am going to get up as early as possible and get started. That's all I can do, right? I think I'll skip my DTA class, but there will cupcakes....So nevermind. I'll go, but then I'll get back to work ASAP.
I'm freaking about these papers because I should've done them awhile ago a), b) I want to do well on them so I can go to Stratford, and c)...si.
I had my first rehearsel for Duty to Warn tonight. That was fun. The director and I have the same idea for my character, so I am really excited to go further indepth into it. I just listened to a podcast from an actor and he recommended to keep a production journal. I think that's a really good idea.
I need to write more. I need to write creatively more. I haven't done it in such a long time, and I need to keep doing it. I gotta keep my creative juices pumping.
I'm kinda reading Julia Stiles' blog right now. I was never really a huge fan of hers, but I think it'd be cool to hang out with her.
Well, I think I'm out. I do need to sleep. I do need to work.
Thanksgiving was good, but I didn't get anything done that I needed to get done so I didn't get to relax as much as I would've liked to have.
I have a few papers due next week, but my group leader wants them done by Tuesday at midnight. I haven't started because I am...not smart.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm freaking about them. I want to sleep right now, but I can't yet, but I am getting tired as I type this. Yay! But I wanna finish. I'm freaking about them, because I want to work hard on them, so I will, but it's gonna be a tough couple of days and I'm not looking forward to them. I am going to get up as early as possible and get started. That's all I can do, right? I think I'll skip my DTA class, but there will cupcakes....So nevermind. I'll go, but then I'll get back to work ASAP.
I'm freaking about these papers because I should've done them awhile ago a), b) I want to do well on them so I can go to Stratford, and c)...si.
I had my first rehearsel for Duty to Warn tonight. That was fun. The director and I have the same idea for my character, so I am really excited to go further indepth into it. I just listened to a podcast from an actor and he recommended to keep a production journal. I think that's a really good idea.
I need to write more. I need to write creatively more. I haven't done it in such a long time, and I need to keep doing it. I gotta keep my creative juices pumping.
I'm kinda reading Julia Stiles' blog right now. I was never really a huge fan of hers, but I think it'd be cool to hang out with her.
Well, I think I'm out. I do need to sleep. I do need to work.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Good day
I'm done with classes for a little while.
I'm Hospital Attendant 1 in Duty to Warn.
Good day. :-D
I'm Hospital Attendant 1 in Duty to Warn.
Good day. :-D
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Witty Title
So, I haven't been on here in a few days. I think it's a good sign that I haven't kept the blog up, because I've been living instead of...not.
So..What's happened since Wednesday? Let me see...
Oh! I went to the counselor's. I told her that I was feeling unmotivated, and I wanted to stop. And she basically gave me a bunch of tips that I haven't and hadn't put into effect yet. So, it wasn't a waste of time, but it kinda was. She also said that maybe I can give one of my friends the password to my Facebook so that he or she can change it, and then "give" me back my Facebook when I get all my shit done. I may need to do that...
So nothing exciting happened the rest of the day, except for man night with Daniel and Romeo. I cherish those nights where we stay up late, talking about everything. We didn't stay up as late as we normally do, but it was still a good time. There was a moment when I was talking to Daniel about how I was scared about getting into the real world with my acting because I don't think I'm ready yet, at all. And it scares me. I started getting more emotional than I thought I would about it. Not breaking down, but being charged up.
Friday, I went to class, and I came home. I saw a great movie called Elephant. It was a remarkably simple, deep, relaxed, chilling movie. I recommend it. Then, Crystal invited me to her apartment where she was having a party. I told her thanks but no thanks cuz I wanted to get up early and get stuff done. Then, Libby called me up, and I fell into "peer pressure" and went. I'm glad I did. It was so much fun! I had a lot to drink, we went to the hot tub, and had a good ol' fashioned, stereotypical college fun time.
Next morning, Saturday, I woke up around 10. I usually do. No hang over! Woop woop! I ended up staying at Crystal's apartment and hung out for the entire day. It was the most chill I've been with someone else being there...ever! We saw some great movies: Anchorman, Red Eye, Superstar (I fell asleep during it, I was tired),some Brokeback Mountain, and The Notebook. I finally saw the Notebook, and I must say I was very happy with it.
The Notebook was such a touching story, and the actors and actresses in it did a great great job! It reminded me of love, it spurred the desire to find it again, etc etc. I misted up a few times, and enjoyed it immensely.
So, all this being said, I haven't done what I set out to do this weekend at all, but you know what? I don't care. I have had a great weekend, so I couldn't give two shits less.
Thinking about all this makes me realize how much more of a human being I am. I am so happy with where I'm at right now. I am ambitious to get farther, but this moment I am in right now, is perfect for what I need.
So..What's happened since Wednesday? Let me see...
Oh! I went to the counselor's. I told her that I was feeling unmotivated, and I wanted to stop. And she basically gave me a bunch of tips that I haven't and hadn't put into effect yet. So, it wasn't a waste of time, but it kinda was. She also said that maybe I can give one of my friends the password to my Facebook so that he or she can change it, and then "give" me back my Facebook when I get all my shit done. I may need to do that...
So nothing exciting happened the rest of the day, except for man night with Daniel and Romeo. I cherish those nights where we stay up late, talking about everything. We didn't stay up as late as we normally do, but it was still a good time. There was a moment when I was talking to Daniel about how I was scared about getting into the real world with my acting because I don't think I'm ready yet, at all. And it scares me. I started getting more emotional than I thought I would about it. Not breaking down, but being charged up.
Friday, I went to class, and I came home. I saw a great movie called Elephant. It was a remarkably simple, deep, relaxed, chilling movie. I recommend it. Then, Crystal invited me to her apartment where she was having a party. I told her thanks but no thanks cuz I wanted to get up early and get stuff done. Then, Libby called me up, and I fell into "peer pressure" and went. I'm glad I did. It was so much fun! I had a lot to drink, we went to the hot tub, and had a good ol' fashioned, stereotypical college fun time.
Next morning, Saturday, I woke up around 10. I usually do. No hang over! Woop woop! I ended up staying at Crystal's apartment and hung out for the entire day. It was the most chill I've been with someone else being there...ever! We saw some great movies: Anchorman, Red Eye, Superstar (I fell asleep during it, I was tired),some Brokeback Mountain, and The Notebook. I finally saw the Notebook, and I must say I was very happy with it.
The Notebook was such a touching story, and the actors and actresses in it did a great great job! It reminded me of love, it spurred the desire to find it again, etc etc. I misted up a few times, and enjoyed it immensely.
So, all this being said, I haven't done what I set out to do this weekend at all, but you know what? I don't care. I have had a great weekend, so I couldn't give two shits less.
Thinking about all this makes me realize how much more of a human being I am. I am so happy with where I'm at right now. I am ambitious to get farther, but this moment I am in right now, is perfect for what I need.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
So...today was weird...
Well, Paul...here's a new entry for your brand new homepage! :-)
Today was a very strange day...
I saw Batboy the Musical that my school is putting on, and you know you've had a weird day, when seeing that particular musical isn't the weirdest thing that day.
Anyways, so here's what happened. I learned some lessons today too, so we'll get to those in a second.
Today, I woke up to Marilyn Manson's "This is the New Shit". (That probably explains a lot, but let's continute) I was late to class, and I came in wearing my pj's and my backpacking boots. There was a pop quiz and I got a 50. I knew two of the questions because the first one was what was my name, and who wrote the Republic. (Plato. We're reading it for class. Well, I haven't yet..)
So then I went home and did nothing 'cept eat and get on the internet for a long time. I was looking at the replies on my Facebook when I noticed someone "liked" my blog from last night. Interesting..So I looked further, and this person totally misinterpreted what I said in my blog. So, I texted some of my friends, (not to embarass the person, but to get advice) and so they told me their different P.O.V's.
Then, I got on AIM, and told one of my friends about a girl I liked and how it got misconstrued by someone else. Then the someone else got on AIM, and I had to tell them that it wasn't about them, and they signed off, probably not too terribly happy..Also, one of my other friends has a really rediculous rumor about her and her new boyfriend, and it's bullshit. People just don't want to grow up it seems like.
So, then I talked with a friend who is connected to girl I like, and I found out some bad news about that friend. This made me really upset. I also found out that girl I like is really interested in another guy, which is fine. It's really whatever. I'm upset, but I'm not really upset, just cuz things didn't go far at all. I mean all we've done is talk in the past and chat on Facebook.
So, then I saw Batboy, and that was a really great show! I have some nitpicks, but that's cuz that's what I do. :-) I must say that Braden Bradley did a FANTASTIC job as Batboy.
So after Batboy was over, I walked home, because I always feel really awkward after shows, whether I'm in the show, or after a show I watched. I'll figure out why eventually.
So, I walked home, and one of my best friends told me that he really respected me for Blogging, and I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but what he said around that made me feel really good. So, I'm gonna try this up a lot more. :-D
Now...lessons I learned today, or things I've noticed.
I love to watch musicals for the most part now. When I watch them, I see them as something I want to be in. It takes a lot of work, concentration, talent, personality, energy, and it would force me to get even more out of my comfort zone. I watch some of the performers, and some of them are naturally talented, but others work really hard and make it look easy. That's what I admire about it I guess. The people that work hard. I want to do that.
My next point is that because I want to get in a musical, that means I have to get in better shape, I have to work hard, and I have take control of what I can. I keep saying that..
I think I'm going to call the Counseling Center tommorow and make an appointment. There isn't anything pressing right now, but I want to talk with a counselour about my laziness. I am tired of being that way, and I want to take the steps necessary to get out of that. I do a lot, but that doesn't mean I work hard. It's complicated.
My mom told me something this weekend, that has really helped me put things in perspective, and it's really corny, and it's slightly embarassing, and of course my mom would say it.
She told me that I am a great and really cool person, and that I just haven't gotten my time yet to show everyone what I'm capable of(or something along those lines). Now, that's really cheesy, sappy, and mom's make their little boys feel better with it, but that really, REALLY made me feel better. It made me really confident in myself, and it made me really believe in myself. It also made me more humble in a strange way also.
I was also thinking of Brad Pitt when I was walking home. I know he's not known as a great actor, but I think he's really good. I am inspired by him because he could've just been a heartthrob sell out, but he worked really hard, went to a bunch of acting classes, and learned all kinds of acting techniques, and now he's doing some really good work. That's how I'd like to be. Not famous necessairily, but putting really good work out there.
!>.
Today was a very strange day...
I saw Batboy the Musical that my school is putting on, and you know you've had a weird day, when seeing that particular musical isn't the weirdest thing that day.
Anyways, so here's what happened. I learned some lessons today too, so we'll get to those in a second.
Today, I woke up to Marilyn Manson's "This is the New Shit". (That probably explains a lot, but let's continute) I was late to class, and I came in wearing my pj's and my backpacking boots. There was a pop quiz and I got a 50. I knew two of the questions because the first one was what was my name, and who wrote the Republic. (Plato. We're reading it for class. Well, I haven't yet..)
So then I went home and did nothing 'cept eat and get on the internet for a long time. I was looking at the replies on my Facebook when I noticed someone "liked" my blog from last night. Interesting..So I looked further, and this person totally misinterpreted what I said in my blog. So, I texted some of my friends, (not to embarass the person, but to get advice) and so they told me their different P.O.V's.
Then, I got on AIM, and told one of my friends about a girl I liked and how it got misconstrued by someone else. Then the someone else got on AIM, and I had to tell them that it wasn't about them, and they signed off, probably not too terribly happy..Also, one of my other friends has a really rediculous rumor about her and her new boyfriend, and it's bullshit. People just don't want to grow up it seems like.
So, then I talked with a friend who is connected to girl I like, and I found out some bad news about that friend. This made me really upset. I also found out that girl I like is really interested in another guy, which is fine. It's really whatever. I'm upset, but I'm not really upset, just cuz things didn't go far at all. I mean all we've done is talk in the past and chat on Facebook.
So, then I saw Batboy, and that was a really great show! I have some nitpicks, but that's cuz that's what I do. :-) I must say that Braden Bradley did a FANTASTIC job as Batboy.
So after Batboy was over, I walked home, because I always feel really awkward after shows, whether I'm in the show, or after a show I watched. I'll figure out why eventually.
So, I walked home, and one of my best friends told me that he really respected me for Blogging, and I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but what he said around that made me feel really good. So, I'm gonna try this up a lot more. :-D
Now...lessons I learned today, or things I've noticed.
I love to watch musicals for the most part now. When I watch them, I see them as something I want to be in. It takes a lot of work, concentration, talent, personality, energy, and it would force me to get even more out of my comfort zone. I watch some of the performers, and some of them are naturally talented, but others work really hard and make it look easy. That's what I admire about it I guess. The people that work hard. I want to do that.
My next point is that because I want to get in a musical, that means I have to get in better shape, I have to work hard, and I have take control of what I can. I keep saying that..
I think I'm going to call the Counseling Center tommorow and make an appointment. There isn't anything pressing right now, but I want to talk with a counselour about my laziness. I am tired of being that way, and I want to take the steps necessary to get out of that. I do a lot, but that doesn't mean I work hard. It's complicated.
My mom told me something this weekend, that has really helped me put things in perspective, and it's really corny, and it's slightly embarassing, and of course my mom would say it.
She told me that I am a great and really cool person, and that I just haven't gotten my time yet to show everyone what I'm capable of(or something along those lines). Now, that's really cheesy, sappy, and mom's make their little boys feel better with it, but that really, REALLY made me feel better. It made me really confident in myself, and it made me really believe in myself. It also made me more humble in a strange way also.
I was also thinking of Brad Pitt when I was walking home. I know he's not known as a great actor, but I think he's really good. I am inspired by him because he could've just been a heartthrob sell out, but he worked really hard, went to a bunch of acting classes, and learned all kinds of acting techniques, and now he's doing some really good work. That's how I'd like to be. Not famous necessairily, but putting really good work out there.
!>.
Tim-somnia
So I can't sleep, or I don't want to. At this point, I can't really tell the difference. Oh well.
So, I auditioned Monday night for 4 plays. One in particular, that I really wanted to get into, but I didn't get called back. I was very upset before, but not anymore.
I learned a lesson from this audition. I learned that it's awesome to be confident with a monologue, but it's NOT okay to use it too many times. I did my Lysander monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream, and it got me into a callback, but I could've done something different so that I could be improving. Don't get me wrong, I think I rocked Lysander monologue, and I did new things, I did the audition from a place of confidence, not nerves, but still. I need to work on new material constantly, so I can figure out what my strengths are as an actor. That way, I know what to play up in an important audition, and I can privately work on my shortcomings.
Like I said, I did get called back, and I am very excited to work on it, and hopefully work from a place of confidence again. That was a great feeling. There is another callback that hasn't been posted yet, but if I'm not on it, it's ok. I've learned a major lesson from this audition, and now I can apply it. :-)
I have been really lazy recently. I haven't gotten up and done stuff. It's hurting me. Not a lot of good is coming out of it. I'm learning way more about myself, and that's great and all, but I need to learn to work hard. I don't think I ever have. Sure, I've made A's and B's for the most part, but it's easy. I need to challenge myself to get organized, and work hard.
I have gained a lot of weight since last year. I lost weight since I was back home over the summer, but not enough. I am up to 214. That's 10 lbs more than my Dad. Now, good for him, but what the hell? I'm 20, and he's 57! Something ain't right about that...
I'm listening to a band while I'm typing all this. They are called "The Sea and Cake". Thank you Sarah Almond for finding them first. This band is just what I needed right now. Very chill music.
Oh, and I am starting to like a girl. It's unfortunate that she's back in Houston, but such is life. We'll see how things go. I'm keeping it vague on purpose because when I put this on my Facebook, I don't want her to know right away. :-P
Well, I guess that's about it really. I thought I'd be typing for a while longer, but I guess not. Oh well!
Peace guys! Take it easy!
!>.
So, I auditioned Monday night for 4 plays. One in particular, that I really wanted to get into, but I didn't get called back. I was very upset before, but not anymore.
I learned a lesson from this audition. I learned that it's awesome to be confident with a monologue, but it's NOT okay to use it too many times. I did my Lysander monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream, and it got me into a callback, but I could've done something different so that I could be improving. Don't get me wrong, I think I rocked Lysander monologue, and I did new things, I did the audition from a place of confidence, not nerves, but still. I need to work on new material constantly, so I can figure out what my strengths are as an actor. That way, I know what to play up in an important audition, and I can privately work on my shortcomings.
Like I said, I did get called back, and I am very excited to work on it, and hopefully work from a place of confidence again. That was a great feeling. There is another callback that hasn't been posted yet, but if I'm not on it, it's ok. I've learned a major lesson from this audition, and now I can apply it. :-)
I have been really lazy recently. I haven't gotten up and done stuff. It's hurting me. Not a lot of good is coming out of it. I'm learning way more about myself, and that's great and all, but I need to learn to work hard. I don't think I ever have. Sure, I've made A's and B's for the most part, but it's easy. I need to challenge myself to get organized, and work hard.
I have gained a lot of weight since last year. I lost weight since I was back home over the summer, but not enough. I am up to 214. That's 10 lbs more than my Dad. Now, good for him, but what the hell? I'm 20, and he's 57! Something ain't right about that...
I'm listening to a band while I'm typing all this. They are called "The Sea and Cake". Thank you Sarah Almond for finding them first. This band is just what I needed right now. Very chill music.
Oh, and I am starting to like a girl. It's unfortunate that she's back in Houston, but such is life. We'll see how things go. I'm keeping it vague on purpose because when I put this on my Facebook, I don't want her to know right away. :-P
Well, I guess that's about it really. I thought I'd be typing for a while longer, but I guess not. Oh well!
Peace guys! Take it easy!
!>.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
And now for something completely different
From my last post. haha.
I think these past couple of days, I've been coming down from something. I am not used to it, so it made me uncomfortable.
Now, I am up at 4 AM, and I am doing chores I should have done during normal human hours, but have neglected because "I don't have enough time". That's such a bull shit phrase. It's a cop out when a person doesn't really mean it. College students use it like they use...a dirty bra that they haven't washed. It starts off being true because you don't how to manage your time, you are excited to be on your own finally, then after a while you start to buckle under the pressure, then pretty soon you are used to the rough and tumble. Then, you finally wash the bra, and you're back where you started. Then one of these days, you're boobs get bigger and you have to get a new, better fitting bra. This is such a strange metaphor I'm using...
I have learned about myself that I can't completely rush into everything yet. I have to work a bit at a time. See, I've known that for a while. You don't swallow an entire apple, you take bites off, a chewable piece at a time. I've known this, I've been taught this, but I haven't accepted that for me, because all I see around me is everyone's result. What I didn't realize is that they had to work hard on getting to that result. Or they were/are just as deluded as I was, and got it all done really quickly and 1/4 ass-edly.
I'm gonna have to read a paragraph a few times before I get it, I may have to summarize it for myself, I may have to come back to it later, I may have to do whatever, but I have to do whatever works for me. Not what is right for everyone else, but what is right for me. Hmm...that's underlined, bold faced, and italicised. What could that mean?
Laura Lane says that acting is a process, and that such is life. Well, I'm gonna go even further than that and say that everything is a process! Ok, maybe I should pull back and say that she's right. The two go hand in hand, and that's what I'm learning after I've fallen on my face multiple times.
Welp... *raises a glass. Here's to knowing your lessons before you actually absorb them, and here's to failing and learning, but never failing to learn! *chugs liquid that is in glass.
!>.
I think these past couple of days, I've been coming down from something. I am not used to it, so it made me uncomfortable.
Now, I am up at 4 AM, and I am doing chores I should have done during normal human hours, but have neglected because "I don't have enough time". That's such a bull shit phrase. It's a cop out when a person doesn't really mean it. College students use it like they use...a dirty bra that they haven't washed. It starts off being true because you don't how to manage your time, you are excited to be on your own finally, then after a while you start to buckle under the pressure, then pretty soon you are used to the rough and tumble. Then, you finally wash the bra, and you're back where you started. Then one of these days, you're boobs get bigger and you have to get a new, better fitting bra. This is such a strange metaphor I'm using...
I have learned about myself that I can't completely rush into everything yet. I have to work a bit at a time. See, I've known that for a while. You don't swallow an entire apple, you take bites off, a chewable piece at a time. I've known this, I've been taught this, but I haven't accepted that for me, because all I see around me is everyone's result. What I didn't realize is that they had to work hard on getting to that result. Or they were/are just as deluded as I was, and got it all done really quickly and 1/4 ass-edly.
I'm gonna have to read a paragraph a few times before I get it, I may have to summarize it for myself, I may have to come back to it later, I may have to do whatever, but I have to do whatever works for me. Not what is right for everyone else, but what is right for me. Hmm...that's underlined, bold faced, and italicised. What could that mean?
Laura Lane says that acting is a process, and that such is life. Well, I'm gonna go even further than that and say that everything is a process! Ok, maybe I should pull back and say that she's right. The two go hand in hand, and that's what I'm learning after I've fallen on my face multiple times.
Welp... *raises a glass. Here's to knowing your lessons before you actually absorb them, and here's to failing and learning, but never failing to learn! *chugs liquid that is in glass.
!>.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I hate what I'm doing
What am I doing? Nothing. That's the problem. I'm lazy, I'm unmotivated, I'm spoiled, I'm not putting the work in. Have I given up? It feels like it. What am I doing to stop this? Pitying myself. Woe is me. I can't get motivated, cry, tear, blemish.
What the hell me? Why can't I do this? This is nobody's fault but my own. I have a test in a little less than an hour. Have I studied? Nopppe! I have a test next week with a bunch of things I still need to read.
I have rehearsel tonight. Do I have lines memorized? Nnn...yeah, actually I do. They aren't hard. I just want to sleep for a long long time. I want to get up eventually, but when I can have a blank slate, a fresh start. Can I do that? Nooopppeee....
What the hell me? Why can't I do this? This is nobody's fault but my own. I have a test in a little less than an hour. Have I studied? Nopppe! I have a test next week with a bunch of things I still need to read.
I have rehearsel tonight. Do I have lines memorized? Nnn...yeah, actually I do. They aren't hard. I just want to sleep for a long long time. I want to get up eventually, but when I can have a blank slate, a fresh start. Can I do that? Nooopppeee....
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
In a good place
Alright, so I've been thinking. I think I'm in a good place. That seems completely different than the way I feel, but I think I am. I'm learning to survive and have a life. I'm learning to listen to music that I want to, wear what I want one, have my own point of view.
I feel like I'm not fitting in, and I feel simultaneously like that's a good thing and yet, I don't feel completely ok with that. However, I logically know that it's gonna be ok.
Sometimes my logic beats my feelings. I think I'm smarter than my age, but I still feel the same things that a person my age feels. At least I hope.
I see myself getting in great shape, wearing my favorite hat, wearing a shirt I like, and playing my cello with my friends in a band on an open mike night. I see myself becoming a person, an artist, an actor, a friend, a poet, and in the sense that I'm doing what I believe in regardless of what others think, especially family.
Am I afraid to become who I want to or am because of my family? My family is pretty dern conservative, nothing wrong with that, but they aren't used to the idea of me being an actor. They know it's what I want to do, but you can just tell that it doesn't sit well with them. I try to talk with them about other things, but I can't find somethine. And sometimes I have good conversations with them, and I find myself wanting to recreate that.
Maybe I am afraid of me. Maybe I am afraid of changing because people know me a certain way. I just need to be me. Why the fuck is that hard? Is society squashing people from they really are? Is religion? Are politics? Are norms? Are culture? How did we get to being so afraid of what we really want? How does this happen?
Why do we have to make money to be happy? I think after I get out of school, I want to live in the Bahamas, rent a house or something for a few months and just live simply. Maybe bring some friends along who feel that way also. Just to live. To breathe air. To see the sea come rolling in, and out. To eat when we want to and sleep when we want to. To just do what the fuck we want to do for those 3 months.
But at the same time, why can't we do that here? Why can't we just do what we have deep in our hearts and have fun!?
!>.
^ Excitement beats mundane.
I feel like I'm not fitting in, and I feel simultaneously like that's a good thing and yet, I don't feel completely ok with that. However, I logically know that it's gonna be ok.
Sometimes my logic beats my feelings. I think I'm smarter than my age, but I still feel the same things that a person my age feels. At least I hope.
I see myself getting in great shape, wearing my favorite hat, wearing a shirt I like, and playing my cello with my friends in a band on an open mike night. I see myself becoming a person, an artist, an actor, a friend, a poet, and in the sense that I'm doing what I believe in regardless of what others think, especially family.
Am I afraid to become who I want to or am because of my family? My family is pretty dern conservative, nothing wrong with that, but they aren't used to the idea of me being an actor. They know it's what I want to do, but you can just tell that it doesn't sit well with them. I try to talk with them about other things, but I can't find somethine. And sometimes I have good conversations with them, and I find myself wanting to recreate that.
Maybe I am afraid of me. Maybe I am afraid of changing because people know me a certain way. I just need to be me. Why the fuck is that hard? Is society squashing people from they really are? Is religion? Are politics? Are norms? Are culture? How did we get to being so afraid of what we really want? How does this happen?
Why do we have to make money to be happy? I think after I get out of school, I want to live in the Bahamas, rent a house or something for a few months and just live simply. Maybe bring some friends along who feel that way also. Just to live. To breathe air. To see the sea come rolling in, and out. To eat when we want to and sleep when we want to. To just do what the fuck we want to do for those 3 months.
But at the same time, why can't we do that here? Why can't we just do what we have deep in our hearts and have fun!?
!>.
^ Excitement beats mundane.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Cate Blanchett+Streetcar named Desire=Drool
Dude! Cate Blanchett in Streetcar Named Desire!? That is AWESOME sounding!
I think it's a good sign that I'm doing the right thing when not only great male actors inspire me, but great women do also. That's not a sexist remark. At keast, it wasn't intended to be.
I wanna go up to see this show. I want to figure out a way. I can probably find a place to rest my head, but plane tickets are expensive. Fuuuuucccckkkk!!!!
I think it's a good sign that I'm doing the right thing when not only great male actors inspire me, but great women do also. That's not a sexist remark. At keast, it wasn't intended to be.
I wanna go up to see this show. I want to figure out a way. I can probably find a place to rest my head, but plane tickets are expensive. Fuuuuucccckkkk!!!!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
New Realization
You know what's so great about life? You learn a little bit at a time. I just learned something about me, and now I can rest a little easier at night now. Wanna know what it is? Well, I'll tell you...
I'm not as quirky as I want to be. I'm not a super quirky person, and you know what? That's ok. Quirky people may stick out and they may be people who I think are cool, but I'm not gonna be cool to everyone, and I'm not gonna be a super quirky person. I want to be described that way, I want to play quirky characters, but I will never be that way.
I listen to the music that I like, I wear the clothes that I want. I don't have to be a certain way. I can just be me, and learn to live with myself whether I like all the things I find or not.
I am me, and that's all I'll ever be.
I'm not as quirky as I want to be. I'm not a super quirky person, and you know what? That's ok. Quirky people may stick out and they may be people who I think are cool, but I'm not gonna be cool to everyone, and I'm not gonna be a super quirky person. I want to be described that way, I want to play quirky characters, but I will never be that way.
I listen to the music that I like, I wear the clothes that I want. I don't have to be a certain way. I can just be me, and learn to live with myself whether I like all the things I find or not.
I am me, and that's all I'll ever be.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Not gonna lie
Not gonna lie. I'm a little pissed I didn't get called back for Big Love. I don't know about the other ones, but I'm still pissed.
I didn't work my ass off, I didn't do as good I should've, I didn't do a great job in Macbeth, I got nervous, I didn't make my monologue as layered as it should've been, I didn't do what I was supposed to do really, I was nervous.
So why am I pissed? Because some actors that really aren't that good got called back. I guess I'm learning now how superficially directors can base their choices. That must be it. Oh well. Whatever. I will work much harder on my audition pieces for the next play auditions. It'll be tough, but God damn it, it's gonna be fun. :-)
I didn't work my ass off, I didn't do as good I should've, I didn't do a great job in Macbeth, I got nervous, I didn't make my monologue as layered as it should've been, I didn't do what I was supposed to do really, I was nervous.
So why am I pissed? Because some actors that really aren't that good got called back. I guess I'm learning now how superficially directors can base their choices. That must be it. Oh well. Whatever. I will work much harder on my audition pieces for the next play auditions. It'll be tough, but God damn it, it's gonna be fun. :-)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wobiddy crunch crunch
Dang, titling these things are kind of tough.
Anyways, yay! Another blog!
Tonight are auditions at Texas State. I'm excited. I am using a monologue that I've used more than once. I'm not entirely excited about having to use it, but it was too late to learn a new one. Doesn't mean I can't tweak it. :-)
I was thinking, what makes a hard worker? Is it knowing tons and tons of information? I don't think so. I think it is knowing that information, but being able to apply it to where you want.
I ask this, because I want to be a hard worker. I have been lazy, and unfortunately, I've done pretty well going off of that, so my brain doesn't think it needs to work as much. I want to work hard. I don't think I really have yet. I've done a lot, but I think that is different as well. Doing a lot of things during the day may give you the illusion that you're working hard, but you have to work hard at them individually.
I want to work hard at my classes, but I also want to work hard at my acting also. Unfortunately, when I attempt to work hard on my acting, it gets me up in my head. I've learned a lot these past few months, and that isn't nearly as much of a problem as it is now, but still.
I am a bad procrastinator as well, but I want to learn to reverse that. It's so much easier, and so much less stressful to actually do the work a chunk at a time. I need to write a to-do list of everything I need to do the night before the actual day and knock everything out one at a time. (This is more for me than anyone else. We'll call this a selfish blog :-P) Caleb Straus said he does that, and I am really starting to see how good an idea that is.
There are a lot things I need to do, so I guess I'll end this prematurely.
Have a great day!
Tim
Anyways, yay! Another blog!
Tonight are auditions at Texas State. I'm excited. I am using a monologue that I've used more than once. I'm not entirely excited about having to use it, but it was too late to learn a new one. Doesn't mean I can't tweak it. :-)
I was thinking, what makes a hard worker? Is it knowing tons and tons of information? I don't think so. I think it is knowing that information, but being able to apply it to where you want.
I ask this, because I want to be a hard worker. I have been lazy, and unfortunately, I've done pretty well going off of that, so my brain doesn't think it needs to work as much. I want to work hard. I don't think I really have yet. I've done a lot, but I think that is different as well. Doing a lot of things during the day may give you the illusion that you're working hard, but you have to work hard at them individually.
I want to work hard at my classes, but I also want to work hard at my acting also. Unfortunately, when I attempt to work hard on my acting, it gets me up in my head. I've learned a lot these past few months, and that isn't nearly as much of a problem as it is now, but still.
I am a bad procrastinator as well, but I want to learn to reverse that. It's so much easier, and so much less stressful to actually do the work a chunk at a time. I need to write a to-do list of everything I need to do the night before the actual day and knock everything out one at a time. (This is more for me than anyone else. We'll call this a selfish blog :-P) Caleb Straus said he does that, and I am really starting to see how good an idea that is.
There are a lot things I need to do, so I guess I'll end this prematurely.
Have a great day!
Tim
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
*Insert title here*
I am reminded of a quote of Sally Field: "It took me a long time not to juge myself through someone else's eyes". I really like that quote.
I mentioned the basis of the thought behind this quote in my previous blog. Now, to tell you the truth, I don't remember exactly what I said in the last one so I'll let it slide that you don't know either. :-) However, in this blog, I want to talk about something different. I want to talk about lessons you know, but haven't swallowed yet. Haven't...absorbed into your being yet.
There's an age, I'm not sure when, but you take your parent's advice without a grain of salt and you just listen to them, and trust them so much. Then, one day, you begin to take parent's and adult's advice with more than a grain of salt. Pretty soon, you're not listening to anyone really. Then, gradually, you realize something has to change, and so you start listening to other people giving the same advice that you've heard all of your life, but this time it's different, because this person has told you, and not your parents, a teacher, or someone whom you hold a little bit of contempt for. You know what I'm talking about. Like when your parents tell you to clean your room, and you don't, but then a hot girl sees your room and tells you you should clean your room. Yeah. You know the situation.
I think it's interesting that we know the lessons, but we don't really learn the lessons until the right time. Then, when we learn it, we are little bit changed. Maybe wiser, because now you wonder what else haven't you learned and you are either excited or dreading this next discovery. I think when you think too much about it, change is a bad thing. I think if you think too much about anything it becomes a bad thing. We need to be open to turn off the logical mind every once in a while and take risks, and be open to falling, because if we don't, we have no chance of flying.
I still suffer from doubting myself, everyone does. It's human nature. However, if a person can limit the time spent doubting, and use that energy for something else, it is a lot more productive. At the same time, you don't have to be productive ALL the time, you have to take time out as well. The balance of the two is completely personal. No-one should do that for you, but you.
Everything is a balance in my opinion.
One last Sally Field quote for the believing in yourself mantra, (Yay! I can tie everything up! Woohoo!) "My agent said, 'You aren't good enough for movies.' I said, 'You're fired.'"
Have a great day!
Tim
I mentioned the basis of the thought behind this quote in my previous blog. Now, to tell you the truth, I don't remember exactly what I said in the last one so I'll let it slide that you don't know either. :-) However, in this blog, I want to talk about something different. I want to talk about lessons you know, but haven't swallowed yet. Haven't...absorbed into your being yet.
There's an age, I'm not sure when, but you take your parent's advice without a grain of salt and you just listen to them, and trust them so much. Then, one day, you begin to take parent's and adult's advice with more than a grain of salt. Pretty soon, you're not listening to anyone really. Then, gradually, you realize something has to change, and so you start listening to other people giving the same advice that you've heard all of your life, but this time it's different, because this person has told you, and not your parents, a teacher, or someone whom you hold a little bit of contempt for. You know what I'm talking about. Like when your parents tell you to clean your room, and you don't, but then a hot girl sees your room and tells you you should clean your room. Yeah. You know the situation.
I think it's interesting that we know the lessons, but we don't really learn the lessons until the right time. Then, when we learn it, we are little bit changed. Maybe wiser, because now you wonder what else haven't you learned and you are either excited or dreading this next discovery. I think when you think too much about it, change is a bad thing. I think if you think too much about anything it becomes a bad thing. We need to be open to turn off the logical mind every once in a while and take risks, and be open to falling, because if we don't, we have no chance of flying.
I still suffer from doubting myself, everyone does. It's human nature. However, if a person can limit the time spent doubting, and use that energy for something else, it is a lot more productive. At the same time, you don't have to be productive ALL the time, you have to take time out as well. The balance of the two is completely personal. No-one should do that for you, but you.
Everything is a balance in my opinion.
One last Sally Field quote for the believing in yourself mantra, (Yay! I can tie everything up! Woohoo!) "My agent said, 'You aren't good enough for movies.' I said, 'You're fired.'"
Have a great day!
Tim
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Back in.....Well, I'm just back
So, I'm finally in San Marcos! I'm excited! I have a one person apartment which I think might actually be too big for one person, but I'm an American! That's what we get right? ;-)
I was just thinking. I'm nervous about starting this year. I've learned new things this summer, and I just hope that I can apply them. *In a cheesy salesman tone* And if you wanna see what I'm talking about when I say learned new things, check out my previous blog. *Smile with pearly whites that glisten in the sun*
And now for something along the same line, I'm just worried because now that I have a new attitude towards life, people, myself, acting, etc., I feel like I'm gonna have to start over with people. It'll be new things with people I've known. I guess that's what happens in life right?
I just have to remind myself of my a mantra I made up that helps keep things in perspective for me. "It's not as bad as it seems". Now, I'm not an over anxious jitter bug, but I do tend to assume that people are looking at me, but if I remind myself that that's just me freaking out over what I think people are feeling. Ya know? I just have to remind myself what is literally going, what are the irrefutable facts in this situation. :-) Isn't that great? I learned that from a wonderful person named Elissa Goss. She's amazing. <3
Anyways, I got to go now, and I don't feel quite so nervous anymore. I hope this helps anyone reading this just a little bit.
Have a great day everyone!
Tim
I was just thinking. I'm nervous about starting this year. I've learned new things this summer, and I just hope that I can apply them. *In a cheesy salesman tone* And if you wanna see what I'm talking about when I say learned new things, check out my previous blog. *Smile with pearly whites that glisten in the sun*
And now for something along the same line, I'm just worried because now that I have a new attitude towards life, people, myself, acting, etc., I feel like I'm gonna have to start over with people. It'll be new things with people I've known. I guess that's what happens in life right?
I just have to remind myself of my a mantra I made up that helps keep things in perspective for me. "It's not as bad as it seems". Now, I'm not an over anxious jitter bug, but I do tend to assume that people are looking at me, but if I remind myself that that's just me freaking out over what I think people are feeling. Ya know? I just have to remind myself what is literally going, what are the irrefutable facts in this situation. :-) Isn't that great? I learned that from a wonderful person named Elissa Goss. She's amazing. <3
Anyways, I got to go now, and I don't feel quite so nervous anymore. I hope this helps anyone reading this just a little bit.
Have a great day everyone!
Tim
Friday, August 14, 2009
This Summer
This summer can't be summed up into a simple statement of saying it was good, or bad, or anything like that. This summer has been rollercoasterish and transformational.
I think it definitely started while the school year was going on. I auditioned for BFA, and I was sick, unprepared, and not ready for auditioning or even getting in. I did it, I performed it as I rehearsed it, which still wasn't very good, but that's what happens. It's ok, it's all in the past now. :-)
Then, as soon as I was done, I had two major things I had to do. I had to do my Characterization paper, and I had to do my realism analysis. For those that don't know, Characterization paper means 42 pages at least of observations on a person, you're rehearsel time, etc etc. Yeah, I didn't do any of it until that night. That was not smart on my part. Live and learn right?
Well, I did the paper and project on my brother. I figured hey, I know everything about him, I can just let it go, and trust that if something were to come up, I could make a very logical guess, or I could tell the truth which I'd know. Well, we got in there, and oh my God it was so great! I didn't know what was going to happen, but I was ready for it. Wait, isn't that what acting is supposed to be like? Hmm...:-) Anywho, it went splendidly! So when I stopped pretending to be my brother, every acting lesson I had learned finally made sense! Damn it! Why couldn't I have had this revelation earlier!? Like 3 days earlier?! At my BFA auditions?!
Well, as you could probably tell, I didn't get into BFA, which is fine because that's the way it's supposed to be and I finally understand a lot more about acting. Acting had always been an anxiety with me. I wanted and still do want to be great. However, it never made sense to me. I put way too much pressure on myself, and that was not cool. I still do sometimes now, but not nearly NEARLY as much.
So, I relaxed cuz I understood it a lot more now, so that relaxation seeped in through my pores. Anywho, I auditioned for Much Ado about Nothing, which I had heard it was Midsummer, or Taming of the Shrew, or even As You Like It. Finally, I found out about it being Much Ado. Well, getting to the audition, it was like a reunion! I saw alot of the guys that I was in Romeo and Juliet with, and some of my favoritest people were there, and it was SO much fun! I knew I was gonna get in, but I definitely didn't mind if I didn't cuz I had so much fun at the audition!
Well, then the cast list was posted, and I got in! However, I didn't get the part that I wanted. I wanted Benedick, of course, cuz I thought I finally deserved a lead. I learned once again, that it doesn't matter if it's the lead or whatever. A part is a part.
So, rehearsels start and I'm a little dismayed because the director and I didn't see eye to eye with who the Prince Don Pedro was supposed to be. It turns out she was right on a major thing, and I was too stubborn to budge. So, I got super close with most of the rest of the cast. I tell you what everyone, that was the most fun I have ever had with a cast. We went out, we karaoked, we went to open mike nights, we swapped stories, it was fantastic.
I learned to stop complaining about not having what I want, and enjoying the things you have. I made such great friends through that cast. I am a more social person, I am less awkward, and nervous, and I'm more of a human being that is continuing to learn.
I've finally started to become what I wanted: a human being/actor instead of a neurotic wanna be actor/ human. I'm truly enjoying life. It has it's ups and downs, but even the downs are better than some of my old ups.
This has been a fantastic summer for so many different reasons. Thank you all! I know it's gonna stay awesome cuz I move into my apartment tommorow! Woohoo!
Stay yourself everyone!
Tim
I think it definitely started while the school year was going on. I auditioned for BFA, and I was sick, unprepared, and not ready for auditioning or even getting in. I did it, I performed it as I rehearsed it, which still wasn't very good, but that's what happens. It's ok, it's all in the past now. :-)
Then, as soon as I was done, I had two major things I had to do. I had to do my Characterization paper, and I had to do my realism analysis. For those that don't know, Characterization paper means 42 pages at least of observations on a person, you're rehearsel time, etc etc. Yeah, I didn't do any of it until that night. That was not smart on my part. Live and learn right?
Well, I did the paper and project on my brother. I figured hey, I know everything about him, I can just let it go, and trust that if something were to come up, I could make a very logical guess, or I could tell the truth which I'd know. Well, we got in there, and oh my God it was so great! I didn't know what was going to happen, but I was ready for it. Wait, isn't that what acting is supposed to be like? Hmm...:-) Anywho, it went splendidly! So when I stopped pretending to be my brother, every acting lesson I had learned finally made sense! Damn it! Why couldn't I have had this revelation earlier!? Like 3 days earlier?! At my BFA auditions?!
Well, as you could probably tell, I didn't get into BFA, which is fine because that's the way it's supposed to be and I finally understand a lot more about acting. Acting had always been an anxiety with me. I wanted and still do want to be great. However, it never made sense to me. I put way too much pressure on myself, and that was not cool. I still do sometimes now, but not nearly NEARLY as much.
So, I relaxed cuz I understood it a lot more now, so that relaxation seeped in through my pores. Anywho, I auditioned for Much Ado about Nothing, which I had heard it was Midsummer, or Taming of the Shrew, or even As You Like It. Finally, I found out about it being Much Ado. Well, getting to the audition, it was like a reunion! I saw alot of the guys that I was in Romeo and Juliet with, and some of my favoritest people were there, and it was SO much fun! I knew I was gonna get in, but I definitely didn't mind if I didn't cuz I had so much fun at the audition!
Well, then the cast list was posted, and I got in! However, I didn't get the part that I wanted. I wanted Benedick, of course, cuz I thought I finally deserved a lead. I learned once again, that it doesn't matter if it's the lead or whatever. A part is a part.
So, rehearsels start and I'm a little dismayed because the director and I didn't see eye to eye with who the Prince Don Pedro was supposed to be. It turns out she was right on a major thing, and I was too stubborn to budge. So, I got super close with most of the rest of the cast. I tell you what everyone, that was the most fun I have ever had with a cast. We went out, we karaoked, we went to open mike nights, we swapped stories, it was fantastic.
I learned to stop complaining about not having what I want, and enjoying the things you have. I made such great friends through that cast. I am a more social person, I am less awkward, and nervous, and I'm more of a human being that is continuing to learn.
I've finally started to become what I wanted: a human being/actor instead of a neurotic wanna be actor/ human. I'm truly enjoying life. It has it's ups and downs, but even the downs are better than some of my old ups.
This has been a fantastic summer for so many different reasons. Thank you all! I know it's gonna stay awesome cuz I move into my apartment tommorow! Woohoo!
Stay yourself everyone!
Tim
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Inspired by...?
Robert Downey Jr. He's an interesting guy, isn't he? He's been in jail, he grew up in a very interesting home, and now he's one of the most popular actors today.
There are plenty of cool people in the world, and though I can't really define what cool is, I would have to say ol' Robby is one of them. There is something about him that makes me want to hang out with him some day.
I was watching his interview on Inside the Actor's Studio. I do that. I watch interviews of actors I respect in order to gain a better understanding of who they are, in order to get advice from them, or whatever other reason. I realized going into this particular interview that ol' Bobbo was not like other people that have been on the show. A lot of it had to do with his entrance. Most people when walking into the Actor's Studio to talk with James Lipton acknowledge the crowd with a wave, shake Lipton's hand, readjust their coat or shirt or something, and then wait for the interview to take place. When Robert came out, he had a huge grin on his face. Not just a polite smirk, but a this-is-so-exciting-I'm-gonna-enjoy-the-hell-outta-this grin.
He even got up to watch his film clip from Scanner Darkly and laughed along with everyone else. That tells me that he enjoys what he does, and isn't afraid to enjoy himself in movies also. That is so awesome in my opinion. I don't like snobby or arrogant people. People who believe that they are better than everyone else.
I'd like to think I'm not like that, but I do have my moments.
What else? Uhm...I kinda like this blog thing. It seems a little self indulgent, but I think this will be a lot cheaper and better for the environment than keeping a paper journal so woop!
I am so anxious to get back to school! I have learned a whole lot this summer, and I can't wait to apply when I get back there. I have learned to be a person again, and I continue to. It's wonderful. I want to live my life the way I want, and frankly, I can't when I am under my parents roof.
I plan to read a lot more, I plan to work out, I plan to eat healthier, I plan to take a dance class, I plan to have more fun, I plan to be more organized, I plan to journal (or I guess blog now), I plan to connect with people more instead of idolize them, I plan to find out more about me, I plan...to stop planning so damn much. :-) I plan to not use Facebook nearly as much. There will be more planned things, but I don't think ya'll want to be bored with that.
Well, I wish there was a good way to bring Robert Downey Jr back into this and tie everything up, but I can't really think of anything so...yay! First blog!
There are plenty of cool people in the world, and though I can't really define what cool is, I would have to say ol' Robby is one of them. There is something about him that makes me want to hang out with him some day.
I was watching his interview on Inside the Actor's Studio. I do that. I watch interviews of actors I respect in order to gain a better understanding of who they are, in order to get advice from them, or whatever other reason. I realized going into this particular interview that ol' Bobbo was not like other people that have been on the show. A lot of it had to do with his entrance. Most people when walking into the Actor's Studio to talk with James Lipton acknowledge the crowd with a wave, shake Lipton's hand, readjust their coat or shirt or something, and then wait for the interview to take place. When Robert came out, he had a huge grin on his face. Not just a polite smirk, but a this-is-so-exciting-I'm-gonna-enjoy-the-hell-outta-this grin.
He even got up to watch his film clip from Scanner Darkly and laughed along with everyone else. That tells me that he enjoys what he does, and isn't afraid to enjoy himself in movies also. That is so awesome in my opinion. I don't like snobby or arrogant people. People who believe that they are better than everyone else.
I'd like to think I'm not like that, but I do have my moments.
What else? Uhm...I kinda like this blog thing. It seems a little self indulgent, but I think this will be a lot cheaper and better for the environment than keeping a paper journal so woop!
I am so anxious to get back to school! I have learned a whole lot this summer, and I can't wait to apply when I get back there. I have learned to be a person again, and I continue to. It's wonderful. I want to live my life the way I want, and frankly, I can't when I am under my parents roof.
I plan to read a lot more, I plan to work out, I plan to eat healthier, I plan to take a dance class, I plan to have more fun, I plan to be more organized, I plan to journal (or I guess blog now), I plan to connect with people more instead of idolize them, I plan to find out more about me, I plan...to stop planning so damn much. :-) I plan to not use Facebook nearly as much. There will be more planned things, but I don't think ya'll want to be bored with that.
Well, I wish there was a good way to bring Robert Downey Jr back into this and tie everything up, but I can't really think of anything so...yay! First blog!
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